WAKE up!!!!!!

Labels: closed, gone, hiatus

exsanguinated ... at 01:48 | Permalink | Comments

i'm not deleting this blog. or changing the url. i was awfully tempted to. but i changed my mind. that said, i don't feel a part of the network like i once did. i'm starting to feel judged for what i write and i find myself wondering if i should write this or that for fear of how some may react. this blog is supposed to be a place for me. to write what i need to. its therapeutic. but, there are some pretty conservative minds out there.

and i'm not so sure i feel safe or comfortable any more expressing myself here. and the things i need to vent are uglier than any of you likely care to know. we only ever want to hear the happy and glib stuff of life. few of us want to witness the suffering. and the dreadful decisions with which some struggle. its never black and white. but most of you who have not walked down those roads seem to think it is.

so, for what its worth i'm here. that raving and restless hyberbolic lunatic of a bitch is here.

oh, and one more thing. i've thought about it. a lot. and, now that i've seen the writing on the wall about this place, i don't think i personally had much to do with ardlair's sudden departure. i think its all that judgement i mentioned above. bullies!

Labels: blogging, expression, judgement, me, writing

exsanguinated ... at 23:36 | Permalink | Comments

in 2004, on the UN international day for the victims of torture, dubya stated that "America stands against and will not tolerate torture." he further stated that "The United States also remains steadfastly committed to upholding the Geneva Conventions, which have been the bedrock of protection in armed conflict for more than 50 years."

ok. that's hilarious. a real load of steaming brown poop, considering what's in the CIA's bag of interrogation tricks. torture as an interrogation technique? yes, you will find the cold cell and water boarding among these so called acceptable techniques. interesting - since such interrogation techniques violate the geneva convention of which the president spoke so passionately in the above quotes.


so, in the wake of the absolute horror unveiled in abu ghraib and given dubya's attempts to undermine the geneva convention and challenge the habeas corpus principal, i - josephine public - face some serious realities. at the very least, a betrayal of truth - for, such abuses are beyond my imagination and comprehension, given my social, cultural and geographic setting. but, i must transcend that outrage and focus on the facts presented, on what's said and on what's not said. and most of all, on what it represents in terms of the political tide that's turning here.


it disturbs me. mostly because of my visionary way of looking at people and events. i see behaviours and actions as manifestations of an individual's motivations. motivations being rooted in values and human ethics. and, very telling of any society's values, is the conditions with which it's prepared to live. what do we think we can live with as a society? what does that tell us about the value we collectively attach to life? pride? power? humanity? THINK ON IT.

i don't see occurences in isolation. rather, as a culmination of circumstances, conditions, behaviours and actions. my present results from my past. my interaction can alter its course. my apathy and complacence leaves it unaltered. and so it is for world affairs. we look to dark lesions in human history with disdain and politically correct outrage. we tell ourselves we can't imagine what those german people were thinking, voting for a monster like hitler. really? i think it's quite simple, when you consider the social, political and cultural forces at work in german society at that time.

the horror of it all lies in its insidious nature. they did not vote hitler in based upon a platform of annihilating 6 million jewish people. they voted for him based on his fervor and passion to lift a weak, confused and floundering germany to a strong and proud germany. he spoke so passionately the comforting rhetoric the german public longed to hear, needed to hear. and once hooked into a belief tract, one sees what one wants to see and hears what one wants to hear. and of course, since its dawn as an institution, government has always carefully controlled the flow of information to its citizens, with a carefully crafted spin.


considering the atrocities in our modern information era that went unnoticed as they unfolded - such as bosnia, abu ghraib, etc - it does not seem hard for me to imagine that a majority of the german public remained blissfully unaware of the 'final solution.' and then, consider the social and cultural climate of the time: rigid and intolerant to any deviations - a setting in which hatred and bigotry flourish.

the horror sinks to our own level even further, doesn't it? for, don't a goodly portion of people out there believe that all the abu ghraib torture fell upon deserving victims? 'they're the enemy! they don't deserve human rights!' sound like a familiar rhetoric? sound like the sort of rhetoric that gives rise to hatred and bigotry? it does to me .... chillingly so, in fact. isn't that what underlies the american government's assertion that terrorist will not receive 'due process' under the law?

and so ... do you think america's enemies deserve human rights? think, for a moment, before you answer. recall that hitler perceived the jewish people as his enemy, and, more importantly, as an enemy of the germany nation. whether you or i or the public at large agree or disagree is really beside the point. perception governs the direction of one's action's. that's my point. which leads me to the conclusion that not much separates us, a 21st century society driven by fear, despair and rage, from that floundering and broken german society of 6 decades ago.

frightening, isn't it?

EDIT 28.9.06: comments' section edited ... i've grown up a little and removed the piquant tirade. read the new comment below. i'm learning a great deal about the american psyche here, just by virtue of your silence alone. interesting. how repressive and vengeful it seems from some angles.

if you're going to post a comment, make it related to the content of the post or i will delete. the objective here is to intelligently discuss the issue at hand - read post - not engage in some ideological shit throwing fest.

BTW: in case no one gets cynicism and mockery ... the 'cure for bigotry' image is clearly my attempt at both. its stark stupidity just struck me so much i laughed out loud when i saw it. maybe its that strange canadian sense of humor that not many of you get, i dunno.

Labels: hatred, holocaust, human rights, iraq, torture, USA

exsanguinated ... at 01:46 | Permalink | Comments

a 24 year old peace activist working in gaza to further the cause of the many suffering palestinans. the israelis killed her by crushing her with a bulldozer as she tried to save a palestinian familiy's home from demolition by the israeli army. FIND OUT more here and and here ... and ask yourself why a play based on emails which described her experience in gaza was cancelled in NYC on the 3rd anniversary of her death for fear of offending the israeli community!

her parents have only from the US government, an assertion that 'the report of the Israeli military investigation into Rachel's killing did not meet the standard of "thorough, credible, or transparent.' the US government has yet to conduct its own investigation into the death of its own civilian citizen at the hands of a foreign military. WHY?

find out more about her here: rachel corrie memorial site

Labels: censorship, foto, middle east, palestine, peace

exsanguinated ... at 23:12 | Permalink | Comments

This is how it is to talk with most of the American administration's members, and most of the American Congress members. They are people who live only in their closed, limited world, who have no wish, or mental ability, to listen to the Other. They listen to the illusory, inner voice in their heads, insisting upon it, for years and years, until they are removed from their posts. And I don't know then whether their stupid, parrot-style mentality will change, or evolve into one that understands reality and responds to it. But what will be the point?
By then they would be outside of the decision-making zone….

originally uploaded by hummingbird on crack

I looked at that foolish man [dubya], and saw how stupid and conceited he is, how he [dubya] reads reality according to his mood, imagining he is playing the role of the savior hero, while we play the role of the weaklings who call to him for help. The truth is exactly the opposite; the American presence in Iraq brought upon us destruction, catastrophes, chaos and terrorism. And scheduling the withdrawal is the only thing that can make the Iraqis happy

originally uploaded by hummingbird on crack

No accounts were settled about stealing billions of dollars from the Iraqi treasury and public funds, which were supposed to be used for reconstructing Iraq.
There was no improvement for the citizen's services. Who cares about them? What are they worth?
Huh, huh, huh. (to laugh at a bitter joke, the Iraqi way)…..
The prices of fuels and food were raised, while the country sinks in high (and growing) unemployment levels, of about 50-70%...
Who cares?
No one cares about the Iraqis' souls, comfort, or food…
I do not know why the whole world turned against us, or abandoned us??
International interests?

originally uploaded by hummingbird on crack

Some gangs and militias appeared which none of the Iraqi Parties admit being responsible for. Dressed in black, attacking the Sunnies in Iraq. Meaning- a violence from the Shia'at's side in Iraq, against the Sunnies in Iraq, this time…. And a series started; of killing Sunnies, dislodging them from their houses and places of living, killing them according to their ID cards, and torturing them in a new trend called- the drill, as holes are made in the victim's body until he dies.
By God, this is a kind of literature not even saddam Hussein in his time knew of. There is also killing by cutting off heads and throwing them in the street, and the random shootings of people on the streets, or at their work locations. Death became so available and cheap, like trash, in Iraq….

read more ... a family in baghdad

Labels: baghdad, blogging, dubya, iraq

exsanguinated ... at 12:58 | Permalink | Comments

i wonder what john lennon would think, don't you?

As the practice of rendition has shown, mistakes are indeed made and lives are ruined. Some in the US government have tried to justify rendition and "black sites" by saying they are a necessary means of capturing and holding the "worst of the worst", and that "renditions save lives", yet there is no legal or judicial mechanism to ensure that this is the case. The methodology is to grab first, sometimes on flimsy or non-existent evidence, and to ask questions later.

Without a transparent process, based on the international standards and customary rules that bind all states, the programme of rendition and secret detention is eroding the human security and rule of law it claims to protect. For all practical purposes, the USA has created a law-free zone, in which the human rights of certain individuals have simply been erased. [emphasis mine]

USA Below the radar: Secret flights to torture and ‘disappearance’

Labels: dubya, freedom, human rights, international affairs, international law, war on terror

exsanguinated ... at 17:08 | Permalink | Comments

WAKE up!

the abu ghraib files ... 279 fotos and 19 videos

Labels: abu ghraib, disturbing, iraq, torture, war, war on terror

exsanguinated ... at 14:18 | Permalink | Comments

Labels: lyrics, music, rage, rants, reality

exsanguinated ... at 00:34 | Permalink | Comments

Labels: life, reality, reflective, spirituality, wondering

exsanguinated ... at 16:23 | Permalink | Comments

Labels: foto, me, silly

exsanguinated ... at 14:47 | Permalink | Comments

the first 25 ...

1. what i wear ... or this ... or ... this
2. i'm spacially challenged and directionally illiterate
3. the war on drugs and the war on terror are both fabricated wars designed to carve public opinion and sway the balance of power
4. cities everywhere should institute car-free sundays to incite people to activity and reduce fossil fuel emissions
5. i sometimes wish i had a job where i could use my creativity
6. i don't like to be touched
7. i hate winnipeg
8. i'm glad i no longer have a car
9. i always wonder how much of the real human historical story we have missed out on, since history is typically written by the winners, who obliterate the losers from history's pages
10. why do parents think biology entitles them to any respect?
11. why do we think we need cell phones?
12. when does the predator become the prey?
13. our push botton society makes us impatient, indolent and imagination-less
14. my gateway into the world of blogging was wch, whose blog i stumbled upon quite accidentally - i just happened to be watching the scrolling 'recently updated' list.
15. it is where i found swiss ben, infini, and others, i'm sure
16. it's where i first encountered the very kewl k9 for the first time in a sort of antagonistic way
17. do you know what V-day is? why not?
    
18. have you read or seen this book or play? do it!
    
19. do you remember rotary dial telephones? television sets that only went up to channel 13? when most shows were broadcast in black and white?
20. is george dubya bush REALLY that stupid? or is it all an act?
21. don't you think this is an age of sanitization? do we hate reality so much that we pasteurisze it to meet our asthetic standards? did we all take the blue pill?
22. should we see suicide as an act of cowardice? or as an act of such despair as to override the primordial survival instinct?
    
23. what makes some people survivors and others victims?
24. if you had one phone call and five minutes before you were about to die, who would you call and what would you say?
25. scooby dooby doo, where are you?

the second quarter ...

1. why do we continue to accept 'because that's the way we've always done things,' as an excuse for the status quo?
2. i lost my passport ... and my ipod nano (4 FUCK's SAKE!!!)
3. ok. i didn't lose them ... i just forgot where i put 'em
4. i can't sleep when its dark outside ... (quite inconvenient really)
   
5. i think its some new ptsd thing ... *rolls eyes* ...
   
6. my stuffed moose where's leather and chains ... (really)
7. this underground lair is decorated thruout with stuffed animals - monkeys in the living room ... colourful snakes in the water closet ... and a stuffed pig that oinks in the kitchen
   
8. (yes, i guess i need help or somethin' ... lol)
9. i'm addicted to starbucks' mocha frappucinos
10. i know how to mix heroine and crack rock for shooting up
    
11. why do they give junkies really teeny tiny diabetic needles for shooting up?
    
12. aren't they worthy of getting the proper needles?
    
13. its not like if we don't give 'em the needle, they would stop ... so we are stupid NOT to give 'em the right stuff, yes?
14. do you know that there are likely traces of cocaine on every bill in your billfold?
15. for some reason, $5 bills are sorta popular for snorting ... why's that, i wonder?
16. do you know that there's really no good reason why marijuana is illegal.
17. really ...
    
18. and do you know that many famous smart people in history were morphine addicts?
    
19. like the dude who founded the john hopkins school of medicine, for instance ...
    
20. why the hell did any americans vote for dubya? was that the day they spiked the water supply with LSD?
21. i would look at that video tape of steven irwin, getting spiked in the heart with a stingray spine-barb, pulling it out and then dying.
    
22. hey! at least i'm honest. death humbles and amazes me.
    
23. i know its macabre to watch someone die ... to want to ... but, since i have watched so many people die its almost normal ...
    
24. does that sound really de-ranged?
25. well ... so what!

the 3rd quarter ...

1. we always quip uncle sam is watchin' us. (you know? a la big brother ... that orwellian concept?), but ... don't ya think uncle osama watchin' us also?
2. is that new islamic assassination video game objectionable because its violent?
3. or is it objectionable because the aim of the game is to kill dubya?
4. now, considering the kind of film SHIT that the USA infects the world with each year, don't we think this conscienable objectioning is FUCKING HYPOCRISY???
5. one in three people DONT' WASH THEIR HANDS AFTER THEIR VISIT TO THE LOO
6. are you that one in three?
7. did you know, while i'm on my soap box (har har ... see velvet's gotta sense of humour after all), did you know that the single most important and effective action to stop the spread of INFLUENZA ... or any infectious disease ... is HANDWASHING?!
8. and no no no ... FORGET ABOUT THAT ALCOHOL BASED LOTION SHIT they try to seel you at walgreens, or wal-mart or shoppers drug mart.
9. that alcohol based lotion just discourages people from washing hands
10. it doesn't kill all the nasties like good ole fashioned soap and water does
11. oh yeah, and don't be gullable enuf to believe that so called 'antibacterial' soap is any better, either
    
12. its a fucking scam
13. did you know that this antibacterial OBSESSION is responsible for the development and rapid evolution of the SUPERBUGS?
14. you don't need that antibiotic for a fucking cold, you lug head!
    
15. you can get lorem ipsum text here
16. all those who are cruel to animals will be reincarnated in the next life as that which they abused/mistreated.
17. i like to think that, anyhow.
18. why are a few radical, extremist muslim wannabes expressing such hatred over something so stupid as a quote from some old german dude that lives in that fucking roman palace?
19. why does the media highlight all the inflammatory garbage and hide the real stuff of life in islam .. in the world?
20. are all you americans just gonna sit back and watch your government exploit 9/11 for political and personal gain?
21. ain't it strange ... how rumsfeld and macnamara look alike?
22. is that sort of like ... the devil can make himself appear in various forms?
23. did you know the dude who invented coca cola was a morphine-addicted pharmacist on the prowl for something to cure his addiction?
24. did you also know the original recipe contained cocaine?
25. did you know that cocaine smells like acetone ... and feels like acetone surging thru you nasal passages?

the final 25! (whew!)

1. i found my ipod nano ... yeaaaay!
2. see? it wasn't lost ... just mis-placed ... lol
3. i have a bookshelf in my kitchen, right next to the fridge
4. eccentric, perhaps?
5. i gave into the webcam thing ... finally ... yup.
6. i got an isight
7. do you remember when there were NO answering machines? no atms?
   
8. do you remember the days when you'd make a fone call and get a real live person on the other end ... WITHOUT the fucking voice mail hell?
9. IKEA rulz, baby!
10. one more reason to hate winnipeg -- no IKEA!
11. and no rapid transit system! can you believe that?
12. and do you know that there are people here ... FUCKING LOSERS ... who still don't recycle?
13. who the fuck are these people? and why are they sharing the planet if they can't fucking maintain it?
14. urgh ... its 7 degrees C here today ... for those of you who are not hip and kewl enuf to know metric ... i will just tell you that's effing cold. well, for this time of year it is.
15. i am starting to like this empty nester thing ... it could work for me and lupin
16. soon it will be time to hatch some sort of christmas ESCAPE plan
17. god damn it ... I HATE CHRISTMAS ... it sucks ... it turns people into fucking retarded imbiciles!
18. santa claus is a scum sucking freak ... why do we perpetuate such a stupid myth?
19. here's a challenge for you christmas-obsessed consumeristic shopoholics:
20. this year make christmas NON COMMERCIAL
21. c'mon ... I DARE YOU ... i bet you don't have the balls to ... especially those of you with kids
22. too bad ... coz that's what's turning this generation into a bunch of lazy, complacent, selfish and consumeristic pigs
23. when's the last time you had a buy nothing day?
24. do you make it a point to research (a little anyway) the companies whose products you buy?
25. get into the culture jamming thing.

Labels: 100, 100th post, personal, politics, random thoughts, rants, reflective, religion

exsanguinated ... at 20:46 | Permalink | Comments

Labels: erotica, fetish, foto

exsanguinated ... at 12:33 | Permalink | Comments

ok. see that? it's roxanne, AND velvet - yeah both of us - eating crow. yeah, crow. ok. so ... that guy who calls himself 'le petit loup' ... that wolf i absolutely love to pieces? yeah - him. he makes me watch CNN. ugh. and, well, its starting to grow on me. its not the ultra-biased slant i recall from approximately a year ago. i must say, i'm impressed. yeah - lupin and i - we are real losers. don't watch 'normal' telly. nope. don't watch house, or er, or scrubs, or desperate housewives, or whatever dribble the networks try to sell north americans. nope. news. documentaries. more news. more documentaries. my favourite thing to do is watch all three news networks - CNN, BBC, CBC - and then compare and related coverage to culture.

yes, clearly ... we need to get out more. HA HA HA. perhaps this is what empty-nesters do?

ok. so. i'm watching CNN on mute and listening to supertramp's restrospectacle. of course, i'm smokin' ... :D. anyway ... CNN airs some alleged tape of a suicide bombing as it happens. somewhere out in the desert. eerie. really. coz, y'know what? it really reminded me of listening to the old testament bible readings in church and hearing the story of how god asked abraham to sacrifice his son isaac, as a test to see if abraham was faithful enough to obey god. i remembered thinking, as a child, how barbaric. and that's what i think now. reflecting on this suicide bombing that my eyes saw, as my ears listened to the logical song. its really true, then. we are them. they are us. call it a different name. but, those are the facts. heck, even the pope stepped into the shit pile now!

Labels: cynicism, politics, rants, reality, religion, religious wars

exsanguinated ... at 15:17 | Permalink | Comments

Labels: happy bunny, humour, smart ass

exsanguinated ... at 14:36 | Permalink | Comments

arthritis had crumpled and twisted her 75-year-old body like a potato chip. barely able to bear her own weight. very tenuously able to walk only the shortest of distances. right-sided heart failure manifested itself in her bloated limbs. she told me i looked like my mother, whom she remembered from french boarding school in the 1930s and 40s. i wondered what life would have turned out like if i'd had a mother like her.

she told me, not in those words, she felt life no longer held worth these days. she sobbed -- gutteral, primordial weeping. she wore an innate compulsion to apologize for herself, her feelings, her outburst. her trembling voice stammered and waivered through her sobs and tumbled out in some sort of fren-glish patois. i crouched on the floor at her feet. silent. listening. and, rubbing her arthritis knee with my hand, i felt obtuse in my powerlessness. and ... i felt her.

loneliness. abandon. desolate. fearful. self pity. and the grief that rains upon us as age looms ever larger. these things i felt in her. a child in calgary. another in san francisco. and a fit-and-healthy husband that left her, (stuck in the nursing home), to return to working the farm in saskachewan. and, oh dear blog, i heard the grief in her voice. grief for the woman she was, when a younger body allowed her to live fully and unrestricted.


now she grieves for herself. lost body. lost mobility. lost independence. lost place in her social network. and a mind intact. cruel. cruel fate, when age erodes the body to a grinding pain-filled halt, while leaving mentation unaffected. unaffected - to contemplate one's own slow demise? lost. she's lost. i'm lost. i have no answers, no words of wisdom, for her. i have nothing for her but love. and, blog, sometimes i fear that love does not suffice.

lost. lost souls. that is what i do - soothe the lost souls. that is what a nurse does.

Labels: aging, grieving, nursing, reality, reflective

exsanguinated ... at 20:34 | Permalink | Comments

Labels: childhood, flashbacks, personal

exsanguinated ... at 04:17 | Permalink | Comments

exsanguinated ... at 00:32 | Permalink | Comments

ON THAT DAY
i recall vividly the moment i heard about the crash. 08:10 - it was a wednesday morning - we were driving under a bridge, on the perimeter highway - lupin driving me home after a 12 hour nite shift (my 2nd nite - my 2nd 12 hr shift in as many days). i did not sleep that day. we stared at the telly screen, dumbfounded. a colleague at work worried that his mother - who lived and worked in NYC - did not survive the crash. he had no news of his mother for a few days. each of those days we worked together, the anguish swirled in him. things turned out ok for that family ... but i remember the anguish of those early days.


ABOUT THAT DAY
for me, the anguish of that day swells, with each passing year. with each passing year, life tumbles past us, the way leaves glide upon gentle breezes. and moments pass. moments from which death has banished those dearly departed. they say time heals all wounds, but with time, the wound gapes ever wider.it feels as though, i think, with each year that passes, the dearly departed shrink further and further from our grasp. from our mind's grasp.

when do we forget the sound of their voice? the way touching them made us feel? when do their images start to fade in our minds? and ... we ask the question ... why? for eternity -- WHY? each joyful moment, forever after, has a bittersweet taste. can joy without our dearly departed truly feel like joy? or does it feel plastic and contrived? like, sort of surreal. for us - survivors left behind - a tomorrow exists. can we live with that?

AFTER THAT DAY
stunning photographs captured horrorific moments - remember these?





SANITIZING?
do you ever ask yourself, why? why the desperate urge to sanitize these deaths? considering the extremely graphic and disturbing images seen at the liberation of the concetration camps after WW2, why did these pictures trigger such outrage? 11/9 IS. irrevocably. do we want to remember it? or are we going to have dinner with that big white elephant on the dining room table? i, for one, don't care to dine with the big white elephant. been there, done that. i choose to live in brutal reality. death = life. the value of life lies in the eternity of death. (does that sound sort of too surreal, maybe?)

i had the wonderful privilege of seeing the north american premiere of this movie: the falling man. it traces the origin of the photo, from the photographer thru to the journalists who sought to identify the 'falling man.' but, more interesting that this, the movie speaks to the whole denial of death, despite the massive loss of life on 11/9.

its true - for the most part, we only wanted to see images of the rescue workers sifting thru the rubble. we desperately wanted to turn our heads away from the terror and ugliness and such a death. why? are not those who made a choice and resolved to plummet to their death ... are not those people victims just the same as those who did not make that choice? do we honour their memory by denying the way they died? i think not.

i ask myself. what would i do? what would you do? would you make a phone call? who would you call? what would you say? what would course thru my mind moments before such a horrific death? we cannot begin to imagine having to make such a choice. death by fire or death by sudden deceleration? no escape. only escape to death. so -- what of the falling man photo? when i look at it, i am stunned by the stark contrasts that converge there: the bright sun and a solitary, free falling figure, almost perfectly aligned with the vertical axis of the tower. and then reality - a person, falling to his death. and death, DEATH.

that feeling you have? that uncomfortable feeling?
its called humility
... because ...
death is a most humbling experience.

what do you see in the falling man photo?

what do you see, in all this?

exsanguinated ... at 00:39 | Permalink | Comments

i have this passion for flowers. flowers - such finely sculpted botanical entities. so sensual, exotic, and exquisite. so colourful, flamboyant, and filled with delicate strength. but -- my passion extends only to flowers with a visible throat. flower throat: the tiny and delicate cavern that's set into its heart - where all the petals converge. therein lies the beauty of a flower - its undulating curves - its many unspoiled and mysterious gorges, so smoothly velvet. does its beauty also lie in its symbol as a creative force of nature? examine closely the work of georgia o'keeffe. burgeoning with sexual imagery.



i have catheterized many women. and just as many men. what i noticed? that, just like no two flower petals look alike, so it is with women -- they differ in their blossoms. oh so slightly, only. in the most minuscule, infinitesimal way. the female flower seems, to me, a most finely carved flesh sculpture. still ... when i look at the image of jack in the pulpit, undeniably, i know what i see. i'm sure, dear reader, you see it too.


whenever i used to doodle flowers in my notebooks during high school physics classes, i always found roses' throats the finest and most scintillating pieces to doodle. i never considered why. perhaps its that all those curves, gorges and finely carved petal edges create the deepest beauty any eyes could behold. and that those petals, which look so frail and weak, exist solely to bring the sweetest fruit to bear. i have this image burned into my head: a succulent fruit emerging from a flower whose petals are splitting and wilting.

exsanguinated ... at 01:50 | Permalink | Comments

that stupid little photon box sailed into braveheart just as william wallace lay on that wooden block, crying "FREEDOM!" and then? and then, kindred one, i thought of you. a soul so far away, and yet so very close. i know not your name, the colour of your eyes, or even what you look like. still, it matters not, for i know the colour of your soul - and i have gazed into that tiniest part of your psyche which you have laid bare, here.

do you know, dearest, that you glow inside me this night? sublime images flash in my head, and through my heart. images and dreams. dreams and fantasies. i would give a great deal to see the look on your face, dearest, when these words tell you that i awoke with the taste of you on my lips, and on my tongue, and with sweet thoughts of you, glistening in those infinitesimal beads of sweat that trickled along my breast bone.

and so, my kindred beauty, i have freed a black dove from its bondage: unsealed some more dark truth, and unfurled a little more of my damaged, raven heart. it speaks in tongues, my bruised raven heart, tongues that i do not understand. understanding -- perhaps it's an illusion? or PERHAPS --- perhaps the illusion lies in that veil of mystique which you wear like a tight sheath? or, in the crisp chill of your tender aloofness?

exsanguinated ... at 01:33 | Permalink | Comments