broken arrows
i saw you today. the anger, the outrage -- it's all crumbled away. i can't explain it really. except to say that, in the grand scheme of things, none of that stuff really matters. so very long ago. a lifetime ago. a different time. different place. and the distance. between us. and the choice. its mine to make.
still - i look at you. and see myself, sort of. i remember the countless times you got abruptly roused from your sleep in the wee hours of morning to attend to yours truly in the throes of a violent gastric outlet obstruction attack. i remember the cummulative hours spent, on the cold tile floor of the bathroom, heading resting on the toilet seat. with you talking to me ... your deep gentle voice keeping me grounded in reality.
i have a choice. k9 was right when he said not to let all the bad stuff destroy me. i have a choice. and ... i choose to move on. away from that dark blemish. i choose to seek out the rotting berry, and toss it out before it contaminates all else around it. i have seen and experienced too much to allow myself to slip into complacency over life. i must seize things as they come. and once the dragon is slayed ... then i move on and thru. and that i can do now.
you know something? my body does not act our nearly as much with disease and chronic pain, since i have chosen to move on. since i have chosen myself. since i have chosen to channel my anger and outrage constructively. i know you will not change. you both, so set in your ways. rooted ... into your spot in the ground. but for me.
life is change. and so it goes.
still - i look at you. and see myself, sort of. i remember the countless times you got abruptly roused from your sleep in the wee hours of morning to attend to yours truly in the throes of a violent gastric outlet obstruction attack. i remember the cummulative hours spent, on the cold tile floor of the bathroom, heading resting on the toilet seat. with you talking to me ... your deep gentle voice keeping me grounded in reality.
i have a choice. k9 was right when he said not to let all the bad stuff destroy me. i have a choice. and ... i choose to move on. away from that dark blemish. i choose to seek out the rotting berry, and toss it out before it contaminates all else around it. i have seen and experienced too much to allow myself to slip into complacency over life. i must seize things as they come. and once the dragon is slayed ... then i move on and thru. and that i can do now.
you know something? my body does not act our nearly as much with disease and chronic pain, since i have chosen to move on. since i have chosen myself. since i have chosen to channel my anger and outrage constructively. i know you will not change. you both, so set in your ways. rooted ... into your spot in the ground. but for me.
life is change. and so it goes.
/bark bark bark
excellent news! and nicely stated. rock on grrrrrl.
/grrrr
Posted by
Anonymous |
6/8/06 10:41
Good fer ya honey!
Posted by
Anonymous |
6/8/06 21:20
Again, something very important, Velvet. THNX! Feeling unhappy, bad, guilty, being under pressure (stress as you said in your last post) build up and create physical unease and then illness. Especially if you eat it all up. I've done it and had to pay with back pain and other unpleasant things.
But, to my own amazement - and like you - I am MUCH better since I've stopped being "Mr. Nice Guy, I will always be there for you, just go and abuse me" all the time.
I still love people. Actually more than before. But first and foremost I have begun to love and RESPECT myself.
I think that is what is happening to you at this time, with all the ups and downs.
But, wow, it's great to see you going!
Posted by
Anonymous |
8/8/06 05:10