« Home | the human rights of our enemies » | do you know who rachel corries is? » | what they think ... excerpts from a baghdad blog » | so, this is freedom? » | why they hate us - reasons 697 to 995 » | WAKE up! » | why do people NEED to believe in god? » | MORE of me me me! » | 100 random thoughts for my 100th post! » | -99- »

in case you wonder

i'm not deleting this blog. or changing the url. i was awfully tempted to. but i changed my mind. that said, i don't feel a part of the network like i once did. i'm starting to feel judged for what i write and i find myself wondering if i should write this or that for fear of how some may react. this blog is supposed to be a place for me. to write what i need to. its therapeutic. but, there are some pretty conservative minds out there.

and i'm not so sure i feel safe or comfortable any more expressing myself here. and the things i need to vent are uglier than any of you likely care to know. we only ever want to hear the happy and glib stuff of life. few of us want to witness the suffering. and the dreadful decisions with which some struggle. its never black and white. but most of you who have not walked down those roads seem to think it is.

so, for what its worth i'm here. that raving and restless hyberbolic lunatic of a bitch is here.

oh, and one more thing. i've thought about it. a lot. and, now that i've seen the writing on the wall about this place, i don't think i personally had much to do with ardlair's sudden departure. i think its all that judgement i mentioned above. bullies!

Labels: , , , ,

exsanguinated ... on Thursday, September 28, 2006 at 23:36 |

I had a comment but accidently deleted it. I had commented on the previous post again after I had gone back and read all of the comments that were there since last I looked. Just know, I hear you. I don't have time to retype my comment, but probably will later when I have the time. Hang in there.

Posted by Blogger Behind Blue Eyes | 29/9/06 12:34  

Hi velvet. yeah, anyone who has problems with troll-like comments can set the moderation as you have.

I'd like to continue reading anything you write. The heavy stuff takes me longer to read, just so you know.

Posted by Blogger fellahere | 29/9/06 17:05  

blue eyes - yeah .. i remember reading something similar to this in your blog awhile back - about writing for others or writing for yourself and not caring what others think.

fellahere ... thanx; nice to hear you about again ... i will email you soon. thanx for reading, even the heavy stuff. hope you're well.

Posted by Blogger velvet acid tongue | 29/9/06 19:05  

Post a Comment

its all about ME

  • i'm roxanne, and this is velvet, the voice inside my head. and this -- this is her blog.
  • i'm that wild, passionate and unruly girl your mum warned you about

    i'm a maelstrom, a whirling dervish, a minx. i run from "same-ness" - i find it oppressive.

    change is good. change is necessary. life is change.

    if change scares you, if change intimidates you, if change makes you uncomfortable, then you're a BORE!

    this blog changes to reflect its continually evolving creator - moi.

    so ... adapt!

    you never know what you'll find when you get to velvet's place. that's the adventure of it all.

    this place continues to take shape, as velvet finds her voice in all this darkness.

    velvet rants, rages, throws the occasional hissy fit, launches the odd venomous tirade, and intellectually contemplates all the stuff of life, love, and soul

    its depressing, and enraging because the world burns and crumbles before our eyes. yet we sleep.

    we sleep. apathy, greed, power sit atop our eyelids like lead weights

    so, welcome to my world.

    i aim to pry your eyes open, to pry your mind open, to get you thinking outside the box, to shock you even.

    i ask the questions most choose to ignore. i think the thoughts most consider unthinkable. i'm alive. i'm awake. are you?

    hey -- WAKE UP!

  • fury wrapped in a daffodil, confused, undecided, wild child, indigo child, impatient, insomniac, rebellious, outspoken, artistic, restless, bored with routine, i love change, afraid of commitment, i work to live - not live to work, claustrophobic, perfectionist, odd and maybe downright wierd, anxious and maybe a l'il (ok, a lot) neurotic, dichotomous, a teensy bit vitrolic, prone to nastiness, a maverick and a cynic, highly intuitive, sensual, erotic, intense, spiritual -- NOT religious, a bitch, a wordsmith, poet, storyteller, addict, mother, caregiver, dog lover, voracious reader, Mac person, Coke drinker, cannibis appreciator, clean freak, prone to hissy fits, attitude - i got one, fav. colour: red, perfume: estee lauder pleasures exotic, voluptuous, afraid of falling asleep, afraid of the dark, hate being touched, still get flashbacks - PTSD, nite hawk, into fetishes, got a sadomasochistic streak in me
My profile

click here for beta-blogger info

my GRACE blog - giving thanx


methuselah lives here

    i have several poetry blogs on the 'net. essentially these contain the same stuff, just presented in differing formats. this methuselah just likes digging around in more than one corpse at a time!

  • THE velvet poetry collection


  • velvet's OTHER wordpress
  • velvet's livejournal
  • velvet's msn livespace
  • velvet's myspace


    • www.flickr.com
    This is a Flickr badge showing photos in a set called hangin' out. Make your own badge here.

    scribbles & scratches

      faerie-zephyr

      zelda-fae

      afghan hound

      yes to madness

      fyrianna

      spring?

      heaven's-gate

      snow-queen1-25

      Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

      Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

    Search


    Previous posts

    Archives

    my hang outs

    velvet poetry

      bell jar dreams

      tenderly,
      you held me in your arms,
      ripening
      my trembling alabaster fruit
      and savagely,
      you trampled me, underfoot
      as master of my shattered freedom
      you - the twisted and beautiful lord
      who sealed me in a windowless bell jar
      with anguish and solitude,
      as my only companions

      captor! my demented master!
      my withered soul screams for you
      it howls for the soothing barbs,
      hidden, in your voice
      and your frail, orgasmic vulnerability
      my withered soul screams your name,
      raging delicately,
      for the gaping hollows of my existence,
      which melted into yours:
      dessicated dreams,
      vanquished innocence

      this sick hunger in my heart for you -
      will it ever ebb?

      copyright ROXI G 2006


      your grace grotesquely crumbles

      your grace crumbled
      into grotesque flakes
      as your fingertips slashed
      my tender silken face
      with rage and vengence,
      that drench my frail child-spirit

      steeped in self-loathing,
      you infected me -
      impaled
      my gauzy soul
      on your poisoned barbs
      of hatred and lusty greed

      once, i loved you -
      worshipped you, adored you
      and darkness
      eviscerated my heart
      as i watched this adoration stream past
      your inert, stoney heart

      my trembling eyes splinter
      into a thousand tears
      when i look upon your face -
      my reflection - in the looking glass
      you, who deserted my child-trust -
      remain, achingly, ever present

      this dark riverbed of adoration
      that flowed in my viscera for you
      has dried up; my heart --
      which once glistened sublimely inside yours,
      now lies in eternal anguish:
      dessicated, petrified, searingly denuded

      your grace crumbles
      into grotesque flakes
      of grief, rage and greed,
      soaked in the brine of remorse
      you beg, like i did, for a morsel of mercy
      but -- i will STARVE you of forgiveness

      copyright ROXI G 2006

      wisdom

        "there's no way around grief and loss: you can dodge it all you want, but sooner or later you just have to go into it, through it, and, hopefully, come out on the other side. the world you find there will never be the same as the world you left." (johnny cash)

        "i wore black because i liked it. i still do, and wearing it still means something to me. its still my symbol of rebellion - against a stagnant status quo, against our hypocritical houses of god, against people whose minds are closed to others' ideas." (johnny cash)

      poetry masters

        if only you would touch my heart
        if only you were to put your mouth
        to my heart
        if only you were to put your tongue
        like a red arrow
        there where my dusty heart is beating,
        if you were to blow on my heart
        near the sea, weeping,
        it would make a dark noise,
        like the drowsy sound of train wheels
        like the indecision of waters,
        like autumn in full leaf
        like blood,
        with a noise of damp flames
        burning the sky,
        with a sound like dreams
        or branches or the rain,
        or foghorns in some dismal port,
        if you were to blow on my heart
        near the sea, likea white ghost,
        in the spume of the wave,
        in the middle of the wind
        like a ghost unleashed,
        at the seashore, weeping.

        ... Pablo Neruda, from 'Bararole'



        By a route obscure and lonely,
        Haunted by ill angels only,
        Where an Eidolon, named NIGHT,
        On a black thrones reigns upright,
        i have reached these lands but newly
        From an ultimate dim Thule -
        From a wild wierd clime that lieth, sublime,
        Out of SPACE - out of TIME.

        ... Edgar Allan Poe, from 'Dream-Land'

      anais nin

        "and the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

        “i do not like to be just one anais, whole, contained. as soon as someone defines me. i do as june does; i seek escape from the confinements of definition.”

        “i speak of relief, perhaps when i write; but it is also an engraving of pain, a tatooing of myself.”

        “we are like sculptors, constantly carving out of others the image we long for, need, love or desire, often against reality, against their benefit, and always, in the end, a disappointment, because it does not fit them.”

        “life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. this is a kind of death.”

      Subscribe to this blog's feed
      [What is this?]
      Powered by Blogger
      & Blogger Templates